like a tiny metal heart (2022)

for solo multi-percussion

Commissioned by New Works Project and consortium members as part of their Mini Works commission program.

Premiered by Kevin Yetter.

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[anxiety is like]

a tiny metal heart

ticking against,

tick-ticking against mine

 

fingers intertwined,

tightening, tightening,

ticking against mine,

out of time

 

corrosive coil,

constricting chest,

pressing, tightening, tightening,

tick-ticking against,

ticking, ticking against mine

 

tiny metal heart

tick-ticking against

ticking against mine

out of time

 

-- Erika Malpass

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program note: 

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This piece is inspired by an effort to externalize my anxiety through narrative therapy. By thinking of my anxiety as an external force, something that affects me but isn’t who I am, I can more effectively work towards managing it.

In this framework, my anxiety is a separate object, like a tiny metal heart, that clashes irregularly with my own heartbeat or a corrosive coil, constricting my chest and making it difficult to breathe. It is something that is separate from who I am as a person and can be removed. I am not my anxiety, and it doesn’t have to control me.

Writing this piece was a challenge – to write a very short piece that still retains meaning. For me, it was a way to visualize the physical manifestations of my anxiety, name them, acknowledge how they affect me, and then begin to move towards combatting those feelings. I hope that this piece also serves to validate the experiences of others with anxiety. I hope to connect with you through this piece and continue these important conversations about mental health.

The text is an important part of the message of the piece and is intended to be performed along with the music. However, if this is not comfortable or possible, the text can be included over a video, projected, or in a program note.

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Contact Erika for score inquiries.