to find the beauty in surviving our emotions (2022)
for flute, trumpet, and piano
Premiered on May 14, 2022 by Microcosm Ensemble
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This performance includes the premiere of choreography by Elisabeth Roskopf, performed by Microcosm Ensemble. This performance took place in June of 2023 as part of Danceworks MKE's Small but Mighty event in Milwaukee on June 2-4, 2023.
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program note:
I connected with Alec, Edward, and Jen through our shared experiences of impostor syndrome – the experience of (and anxiety resulting from) believing you are not as competent as others perceive you to be, that you’ve somehow achieved success by mistake, and that you don’t belong where you are – which became the inspiration for this piece.
I’ve been using my music as a way to examine, sort through, and communicate many emotional spaces that I struggle with. At the same time, I often experience self-doubt and anxiety in my creative process, and with this project, I found the act of writing and the subject of impostor syndrome were too closely intertwined. I doubted my ideas and my creativity and was frustrated with myself for allowing this doubt to paralyze my writing process. I couldn’t write about this specific facet of anxiety when I was experiencing it so vividly every day.
Writing this piece became a process of discovering how to survive these emotions. Instead of trying to illustrate or understand my anxiety, the piece became the refuge from these emotions that I needed. Starting with improvisation, I created music that to me felt organic and breathing; calm, fluid, and spacious. I tried to allow the piece to simply be, floating from one idea to the next like my improvisation, and letting go of what it wasn’t or should have been. By accepting the piece for what it is, I found an antidote to this anxiety. To me, the piece represents the time taken to embrace, with intentionality, moments where I am at peace with myself.
We’re battered with complexity, darkness, and turmoil every day — we can’t constantly try to understand all of it. Sometimes what we need is to turn away and find room within ourselves for a bit of peace. We have many challenges and difficulties to face, but we can’t meet them if we don’t give time for ourselves and for each other — if we’re falling apart. These small moments of calm, healing, and groundedness are what allow us to accept ourselves, and give us the strength to keep working and moving forwards. My hope is that listening to the piece will provide a moment of peace for you, as writing it did for me. I hope that it also prompts you to create space for and appreciate these moments in your life.
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Contact Erika for score inquiries.
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